Understanding grief and its impact

When a child is diagnosed with cancer, parents often experience grief over an uncertain future and a profound sense of loss. They may go through stages of shock and anger, as well as feelings of worry and anxiousness.  

Grief can be an overpowering and overwhelming emotion. Managing everyday life during and even after treatment may feel challenging at times.  

Grief is not a linear process, it is something that comes and goes, rising and falling, and not always easy to predict. 

It is not uncommon for parents to feel the sense of loss of their healthy child, the way they were before their cancer diagnosis, what they wanted to be and may not be. It may even feel like life comes to a halt during your child’s treatment.  

Grief will vary from person to person, from family to family. You are allowed to feel that way. Grief is a normal emotional response to any type of loss. The feeling of loss can extend to but is not limited to the loss of your family’s lifestyle and daily routine, your employment situation, family finances, the loss of connection to your other children, partner or extended family members.  

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. We are all so different… some of us find it helpful to talk about their grief and for others, they feel like withdrawing from the world. 

Coping strategies

Finding support

Even after treatment ends, a family may continue to feel the loss of their former life and what used to be. Wanting to have everything back the way it was before cancer is completely understandable. Many people also talk about struggling with the expectations of others who want them to be their old selves. 

Instead of trying to pretend everything is back to the way it was, it may help to acknowledge that everyone has been changed by the experience. 

Embracing the “new normal”

“New normal” is the term that a lot of people use to describe life after cancer. It means recognising how you live now, rather than trying to recreate the past. While it may seem strange at first, you’ll find new routines as things settle. Finding that ‘new normal’ or ‘new reality’ takes time, be kind to yourself in the process.  

Many people find joining a support group can really help at this time. Speaking to others who have shared similar experiences can validate your feelings and ease the burden. Redkite runs regular phone, online or face-to-face support groups for parents and we can help you find other groups as well. 

Counselling is available for children and teens (aged 0-18) diagnosed with cancer, their parents, carers, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, anyone who has been impacted by childhood cancer.  

Redkite is here to listen to your individual needs so that we can help you better cope with the effects cancer has had on your life and emotions.